KISS stands for “keep it simple, sweetheart” This is not really related but it does have to do with being conscious. I had a conversation with a friend this morning who said that her partner has been so cranky and starting fights are purposely not wanted to spend time with her. They have kids so some of that could be chalked up to kid-stress stuff. I want to be clear that this is not always the man acting out!
Well, if you have kids you know that when they are really out of sorts it is almost always the basic stuff – sick, tired or hungry. I find it still even in my oldest who is 8.
So, as my friend and I were talking I thought of the basic stuff that usually causes a marriage (or partnership) to be “out of sorts”
1. I am not appreciated enough. That is so common and it goes both ways and it’s the simplest thing to fix once you know what it is. “you are doing a great job” “this dinner is awesome” stuff like that.
2. You are not paying enough attention to me. This is more prevalent among couples with kids. The caregiver is so wiped out taking care of the kids that they put the other person last on their list b/c that is the only space on the list where there is room. The way to fix that – go out on a “date” Remember the happiness that was the glue that stuck you both together to begin with.
3. Money. In this day and age, money is a real concern for a lot of us. Losing jobs, price of gas, health insurance… The fix: money, of course!
For any of these the really important component is to be on the same team and keep the lines of communication open. I think just being aware of the common causes for couples to feel distant from each other might be a bit of relief. If you are the one who is distant, ask yourself why – lovingly. Your feelings are valid and be gentle with yourself as you unravel them. And then – talk about it w. your partner over a margarita and chips and a night out w/o the kids!
My opinion for what it’s worth!
be well, Sonia